Confused? Better than Frustrated or Depressed.
Feb 04
Posted: under confusion, frustration, learning.
Our language can affect our perception in significant ways through the subtle internal meaning of words.
Our self talk and what we tell others about ourselves affects how we see ourselves and how we experience our highs and lows.
The words, depression and frustration, describe similar feeling, possibly even the same feeling with the word (label) chosen based on an individuals experience or perception. Both words imply the idea of, no where to go, no answers. Boxed in. Helplessness. Spinning your wheels, not knowing or understanding. An overall sense of helplessness and often the feeling of doom or forever stuck in this state. Nothing is changing neither in the mind nor in the outside world.
It’s also similar to another feeling and that one is confusion. Each of the words I used to describe frustration and depression apply to confusion with the exception of doom and thinking you are forever stuck . Instead there is a sense of, there is an answer, I can find it, I will find it if I persist. The word confusion has an expectancy of an outcome or change. Confusion is verge of a breakthrough, finding an answer, getting going again and understanding. When you are confused neural networks are working to connect the answer. When you are frustrated or depressed no new networks are forming.
Yet they are just words that describe largely the same feelings or emotions. Their meaning convey to the brain instructions how the feelings or emotions should ultimately be processed. The words point a direction in our thinking. We think we are describing where we are really at. Yes and no. Yes we are there, and no because that can change even for a moment when we are distracted by a good joke. Depression, which stems from anger and frustration and is essentially frustration that’s taken over every part of your life. If we are experiencing frustration with our learning then it can lead to depression and affect our whole life. If we can change our perception we can change our life. And we can change our perception by changing what we say about the problem.
To help my students to understand the similarity in the feeling and emotion of frustration and confusion. I demonstrate the power of our language by facing a wall when I say,’I'm frustrated’. When you say it that is what you are cuing your mind to do. Facing the wall leaves no way to move ahead.
When you repeatedly say I’m frustrated or depressed it becomes a mantra - think about it, how often do you say it to yourself to explain your feeling, how often to you say it to others? Repetition makes it a mantra. So facing a wall becomes your dominant experience. Every time you say I’m frustrated or I’m depressed. You place a wall in front of you. Because that is what the words are cuing you to experience. so you feel helpless.
Then I turn around and say, ‘I’m confused’, I look around and acknowledge I don’t know yet where the answer is in front of me however I see more before me than a wall so I’m more open to getting an answer and moving ahead.
Each time you say "I am" you bring your focus to specific thought or feeling, even triggering them if they aren’t loud enough. So when you say I’m depressed, I’m frustrated, I’m stuck that’s where you lead your focus. To no, answer, not getting anywhere spinning your wheels, more gloom.
Try changing the mantra (what you say to yourself and others) to I’m confused. Being confused suggest there is a solution, you haven’t found it yet. and if you want to move out of depression and change your situation you are looking for a solution. Look with expectancy of finding a solution with confusion rather than the expectancy of no change from the place of frustration or depression.
Confusion it tells our mind there is an answer out there and now the mind is looking for it and can expect to find an answer. The feeling, sensation can be the same. Your mind processes it differently because it has a different perception.
It’s important that you do get help. So see your counsellor, and stay on your medication if you take any. It takes a while to create a new habit and if you intend to change your self talk it isn’t the final solution to what caused the depression or frustration. You still need help getting through your confusion. You want those answers and going it alone probably led to frustration and depression in the first place So work with the professionals. You may even need help taking action on the solutions that come to you.
Be kind to yourself.
© Alex Viefhaus 2010
